Sourly Smitten Snape
by jerri and arona
Summary: When a new DADA teacher comes to Hogwarts, both Severus Snape and Gilderoy Lockhart are battling for her love. However, when she falls for Remus Lupin, Severus and Gilderoy have to join forces to win her heart. Chapter 16 is up!!
1. A NotSoFunny Prologue

Prologue  
  
Severus Snape sat down at his desk. He was beginning to dread the school year. How could he possibly endure these children for yet another year? He was almost certain that this year he would become the defense of dark arts teacher, but no. Dumbledore gave the job to some other incompetent sniveling moron who probably knew nothing about the job at all.  
  
He got up from his desk and made his way out the door and up to Dumbledore's office. He had almost forgotten about the staff meeting, in which everyone would meet the new teachers and discuss how to cram intelligence into the brains of the children he loathed to teach. There was a rumor going around that Gilderoy Lockhart was fully revived from his little accident and that he would be coming back to Hogwarts to teach a different class. Hurrah.  
  
Severus walked up the stairwell and pushed open the door to Dumbledore's office. No one was there. He was always early to these staff meetings, he didn't know why, but he didn't like it when other people were in the room when he entered it. He sat down at the round table in the center of the office and waited. If only he knew that his life would be changed forever within the next few moments. 


	2. Angel of Clumsiness

Chapter 1-  
  
People started flooding into Dumbledore's office and the meeting soon began. Severus was drowsing off, until he heard something mentioned about the new DADA teacher. "Her name is Andromeda." Dumbledore was saying. "Minerva, could you show her in?" he said to McGonagal. Minerva got up and opened Dumbledore's office door. Severus swore he saw a burst of light, and a tiny figure fell through the door and onto the floor. "Sorry." the woman said, sheepishly standing up. "I was listening in." She awkwardly got to her feet and patted the bun on the top of her head to make sure it hadn't fallen apart. Severus was truly in awe at the beautiful creature that stood before him. She was a vision of grace and beauty as she tripped across the room and awkwardly fell into her seat. Her face glowed when smiled, even though that could have been just because she was embarrassed.  
  
The entire meeting, Severus could not take his eyes off her. The way she put her hair behind her ears, the way she fell out of her chair during Minerva's speech about the Halloween feast, and the way she nervously tapped her pen on her forehead.  
  
Andromeda Stone nervously tapped her pen on her forehead. She had just fallen out of her chair, and was trying to keep a low profile. She suddenly noticed a greasy haired man staring at her from across the table. Why is that greasy haired man looking at me? She thought to herself. Do I have something on my face? She touched her face and tried to feel if she had crumbs or something around her mouth.  
  
Severus was still staring at Andromeda. Now she had her hand to her face. I bet she's deep in thought. Severus pondered. She's probably of high intellect.  
  
Andromeda had come to the conclusion that there was nothing on her face. Maybe that guy was just mentally ill. She smiled sweetly at him, just to be polite.  
  
Now she was smiling at him. Oh, she was a divine image from the heavens. Severus had never felt this way before.  
  
He won't stop looking at me. Andromeda thought, starting to get nervous. Dumbledore ended the meeting, and she hurriedly got up, hoping the strange man would stop looking at her and leave her alone.  
  
He had to talk to her. For some reason, she got up and left the room very fast. He had to find her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hiya- hope you liked the first chapter. in the next one, severus talks to a very nervous Andromeda, and more really weird things start happening. ttfn. 


	3. I Know TaeKwon Do

Chapter 2  
  
Severus quickly caught up with Andromeda, who was basically running down the halls as fast as she could, and collided into a column. She fell to the ground and shook her head. Severus rushed to her aid and helped her up. What would be the first words he heard his beloved speak to him?  
  
"Please don't hurt me." Andromeda blurted out; making sure one hand was on her wand. "What?" The greasy haired man said. "I know Tae-kwon Do." Andromeda said, trying to look threatening. "I'm a bit confused.," the man said. "I'm Severus Snape, the potions master." Andromeda took her hand off her wand. "Oh." she said. "I'm Andromeda." She replied, shaking the man's hand.  
  
Her voice was like that of an angel. "I should probably go." She said to him. "I have things to do."  
  
Andromeda was still convinced he had some kind of mental problem. She said goodbye and began walking down the hall. Noticing that Severus still was standing in the place they had met, she turned back and added, "It's best to admit when you have a problem, Prof. Snape."  
  
  
  
Next chapter: Snape's class. 


	4. Gryffindor Wins the House Cup

Chapter 3  
  
The first day of school quickly arrived, and Severus' super-happy spree soon came to an end upon seeing his first class. He watched as they were all seated. There was a knock on his door, and Severus loathing said, "Come in." Andromeda awkwardly moved into the room. "Minerva said I should hang around here for your first class, Severus," she said, "If you don't mind." Severus was full of joy when he saw her face.  
  
He's looking at me weird again. Andromeda thought, wanting to run out of the room and ignore Minerva's suggestion. "I would much enjoy your company." Severus said, giving her what looked like a smile. She tried not to look terrified. She simply sat down at one of the desks and scanned the room. She knew some of the students from Gryffindor, due to the fact that she had been made head of the house when Minerva decided she didn't want to be the head any more. Severus began the class and Andromeda sat patiently, watching this man throw insult upon insult to poor Neville Longbottom.  
  
Severus was having a grand old time. He could have sworn the Neville boy was going to cry. "Longbottom," Snape said, sneering, "I thought that last year would take the cake for your stupidity, but you have proved me wrong! Ten points from Gryffindor." Neville sniffed back a tear, and that was when Severus heard the voice of his angel.  
  
Andromeda had had enough. She stood up. "He's only a child, Severus!" she said. He turned to her with a look a shock on her face. "He's gotten every question wrong, Miss Stone." He said. "That's no reason to call the boy stupid. He got the first question right." She looked at Neville. "Ten points to Gryffindor." The Gryffindor students cheered. "He got the second and the third question wrong, though." Severus said. "Twenty points from Gryffindor." Slytherin students cheered. "He's scared to death of you!" Andromeda replied. "Thirty points to Gryffindor!" Gryffindor cheered. "Forty points from Gryffindor!" Snape said. Slytherin cheered. "Fifty points to Gryffindor!" Andromeda replied. Gryffindor cheered. "Sixty points to Slytherin!" Snape said. "Gryffindor wins the house cup!" Andromeda said. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO DAMN LIKEABLE!" Snape blurted out. Andromeda opened her mouth as if to say something, but she was much to terrified to. She sat down; hoping the conversation would end there.  
  
She was beautiful when she was angry. Even her voice sounded angelic when she yelled at him. Somehow, he would win her heart, if it was the last thing he did.  
  
Next chapter: Andromeda meets Gilderoy Lockhart 


	5. Gilderoy

Chapter 4  
  
Andromeda and Minerva sat in the Three Broomsticks over bottles of butterbeer talking about their classes. "Minerva," Andromeda said, nervously, "I think Prof. Snape might. um, fancy me." Minerva choked on her butterbeer. "What?" "Really." Andromeda replied. "He's always staring at me, and just this morning he said I was likeable." Minerva gave her a strange look. "Well," she said. "It could e a bit flattering being the only woman he has ever taken interest to. and he's not all that bad, is he?" Andromeda tried to reply, but she heard a horrible noise come from behind her. It was Gilderoy Lockhart.  
  
"Hello, Minerva!" he said, striding over and sitting at their table. "Hello, Gilderoy." Minerva replied reluctantly. "And who is this?" Gilderoy asked, turning to Andromeda. "This is Andromeda. The new DADA teacher." Minerva said. "Andromeda, this is Gilderoy, the Runes professor." Andromeda knew who he was, but didn't care. She couldn't stand the man. "Enchanted." Gilderoy said, taking Andromeda's hand and kissing it. Andromeda shuttered. She suddenly had the need to take a series of baths. She quickly took back her hand, and tried to clean her hands with her napkin under the table without anyone noticing. "Well," Gilderoy said, "I really have to go. Fans, you know." He got up. "I hope I see you again soon." He added to Andromeda, who wished she wasn't there. And then he left. "And that," Minerva said, "Is Gilderoy for you." Andromeda rolled her eyes. "I've met him before." She said. "Obviously the encounter wasn't important enough to remember." Minerva smiled and nodded. "You don't like him, do you?" she asked. Andromeda looked for a delicate way to put it. "Well," she said, "Let's just say that if he died, and don't think I'd care."  
  
Next chapter: Severus writes a sonnet. 


	6. What's a Sonnet?

Chapter 5  
  
Severus sat in his office with a pen and paper, pondering how he could put his feelings down into a sonnet. First, he needed to figure out what a sonnet was. He conjured up a dictionary and opened it to "Sonnet." "Sonnet" he read aloud. "A work in seven lines of iambic pentameter." "What the hell is iambic pentameter?" He looked up iambic. "A verse of iambic feet." He read aloud. That did not help. He looked up iamb. "A metrical foot of two syllables." He read. "The print must be really big if it takes up two metric feet." He thought. He then looked up pentameter. "A verse of five metrical feet." He read. "So iambic pentameter is a line of five two syllable words that are five feet." He made a confused face. "I won't be able to write this and carry it all the way to her. It will be much to large for the hallways."  
  
Meanwhile, Gilderoy Lockhart was very certain that Andromeda Stone was head over heels in love with him. He decided, just to spare her the embarrassment of having to ask out such a handsome, wonderful, intelligent man as him, he would do it for her. He approached her during lunch in the Great Hall. "Afternoon, Andromeda." He said, sitting next to her at the staff table. "Hello, Gilderoy." Andromeda said, trying to be polite. "Is there anything you want to say to me?" Gilderoy asked, smug as can be. "You have your elbow in my mashed potatoes." Andromeda pointed out, and Gilderoy hurriedly picked up his elbow. Poor girl's in denial. Gilderoy thought to himself. "Perhaps you would like to come to dinner with my tonight?" Gilderoy asked as Andromeda moved her plate away from him to avoid another encounter with her potatoes. "Actually," Andromeda said, thinking of an excuse to get out of an evening with Gilderoy without hurting his feelings. "I think I'm coming down with a flu." "Perhaps tomorrow then." Gilderoy said, flashing a smile and getting up from the table. Andromeda let out a sigh. This job truly was cursed.  
  
Minerva McGonagal came into the staff room early the next morning to retrieve some papers she had left there the night before. She was about to leave the room when she noticed a lump on the staff room couch. "Andromeda?" she said, realizing that Andromeda Stone was fast asleep on the couch. Andromeda woke with a start. "Hi, Minerva." She said groggily. "What are you doing here?" "I should be asking you the same question." Minerva replied. "It's an interesting story." Andromeda said. "First, Severus shows up at my door with a poem that must have been five feet wide, then Gilderoy was under my bedroom window singing songs out of tune all night." "Poor girl." Minerva said, somewhat amused. "I have no idea what's gotten into them." Andromeda said. "I'm not beautiful, I'm not astoundingly interesting and I'm a klutz." "Well," Minerva said, "Gilderoy and Severus aren't exactly your average person."  
  
  
  
Hi, all. Sorry the chapters aren't longer, but I just have no time. The next chapter should be along shortly, however.  
  
Next chapter- Andromeda meets Remus Lupin. 


	7. The Longer Chapter

Chapter 6  
  
Andromeda quickly walked down the halls of Hogwarts to her classroom, looking around as she went, just to make sure Gilderoy or Severus were nowhere in sight. She was just about to turn into her office, when she collided with something or someone, and her papers went flying everywhere. She fell to the ground. "Sorry!" she stuttered, frantically gathering her things. "It was completely my fault." Said a man's voice above her. "Oh, no." she began, and looked up. She couldn't say anything more: she was in a wave of shock. He was tall and handsome, and he had a sweet smile playing across his thin lips. He looked tired and worn out, and although he was very young, there was a streak of gray in his brown hair. Andromeda felt her heart skip a beat. He helped her to her feet and she nervously brushed away the hair that was in her face. "Hello." She said softly. "Sorry about that." "It was mostly my fault." The man replied. "I wasn't watching where I was going." He held out his hand. "I'm Remus Lupin." She shook his hand. "I'm Andromeda Stone." She said, her voice a bit shaky. "You're the new DADA teacher, correct?" Remus asked. Andromeda nodded. Remus smiled, remembering his days as a professor. "I should probably go." Andromeda said, opening the door to her office. "Ok then." Remus replied. She disappeared into her office, and Remus continued down the hall, leaving Andromeda with her thoughts.  
  
At this time Severus was running into Gilderoy in the hallway. "Hello, Severus." Said Gilderoy, cheerfully, feeling sorry that Snape wasn't nearly as attractive as himself. "Gilderoy." Snape replied darkly. "What brings you to the intelligent side of the castle?" Gilderoy didn't understand that comment, so he went on. "I'm just paying a visit on Miss Stone." He said. Snape's brow furrowed. "What business do you have with her?" he asked. "If you must know," Gilderoy said, "I am trying to get her to admit she has feelings for me." "Isn't that lovely." Snape said, seeing right away that Gilderoy was just flattering himself. "I'm sorry to say, however," Snape continued, "That I have a. interest, if you will, in Miss Stone as well, and you will have to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me at anything Lockhart." "But it's twelve o'clock." Gilderoy said, once more confused. "Nevermind." Snape replied, annoyed. "Just stay away from her." "Why don't YOU stay away from her?" Gilderoy retorted, not having a better response. "I am, after all, the pretty one." "Yeah." Said Snape. "Pretty stupid." "Thank you." Gilderoy said. "I do believe I am- wait." Gilderoy furrowed his brow in thought. Snape shook his head. "Why don't we let Andromeda decide?" he suggested. "Fine." Gilderoy said, and they both headed towards the DADA office.  
  
Andromeda was sitting at her desk, thinking about her encounter with Remus, when there came a knock at the door. "Come in." she said. Gilderoy and Severus fell into the room, and came quickly to her desk, Severus on one side of Andromeda, Gilderoy on the other. "What can I do for you gentleman?" Andromeda asked, hoping they would leave soon. "Well," Gilderoy began, "I know you love me Andromeda, and I think it's time for you to just admit it." "What?" Andromeda said, hardly surprised that Gilderoy had brought this up. "I know you're thinking about it right now." Gilderoy said. "Poor girl, constantly wondering if I am with another woman. But don't think about it any more, my dear girl." "The only thing I'm thinking now," Andromeda interrupted, "Is that I am in an idiot sandwich." "You're so funny, Andromeda." Gilderoy said. "You're not in a sandwich!" Andromeda sighed; amazed that someone could live with fluff instead of a brain. "See," Severus said, "She has no interest in you. She's better off with ME." Andromeda turned to Severus. "Severus," she said, "Why would I want to date someone who acts as if a close-hanger had been shoved up his ass." Severus opened his mouth as if to say something, but could only make a type of 'buh' sound.  
  
Severus and Gilderoy silently walked through the halls and away from Andromeda's office. "There has to be a way to change her mind." Gilderoy said. "A way where she could love us but be able to choose who she loves more." Severus stopped. "There's a type of potion that can do that!" he said. "She would spend a day loving one person, the next day loving a different person, and then the next day choose!" "Would you be able to make it?" Gilderoy asked. Snape hit him over the head. "Of course I would!" he said. "I'm the damn potions master!" "What could I do?" Gilderoy asked, eager to be a part of the whole thing. "We could use your books to kindle the fire!" Severus said, opening the door to the potions office.  
  
Ok, so that's the chapter. It's LONGER, for those of you who asked me. It's still pretty short, but they should get longer as they go, if I'm lucky. In the next chapter, Severus and Gilderoy make the potion, and they each have a day with Andromeda. (The chapters to come get more romantic, for those of you who like that kind of thing. I'm a bit scared about writing the Gilderoy one, though.) 


	8. Potions and Such

Chapter 7-  
  
Gilderoy and Severus wasted no time in looking up the potion and getting the ingredients to do so. Severus could surely have it done in no time, and Gilderoy's works were keeping the fire ablaze quite nicely. "Is it supposed to be bubbling like that?" Gilderoy asked as he watched the purple potion bubble over the side of its cauldron. "I think so." Severus said, making sure he was next to a table, just in case he had to duck under it if something went wrong. Finally, when Gilderoy's last book, 'Year With the Yeti', was no more than a pile of ash, the potion was done. "Now what?" Gilderoy asked Severus, who was putting the potion into a beaker. "Now," he said, "We somehow get her to drink it." "Ok." Gilderoy said. "How do you suppose we do that?" "Well," Severus began. "You distract her and I'll slip the potion into her drink." Gilderoy nodded. "Now," Severus added, when the potion was in its container, "We just have to add a lock of hair from each of us." "Oh, good." Gilderoy said, taking a small box from his robes. "I carry spares!" Severus rolled his eyes as Gilderoy lovingly picked up a lock of his hair, which was carefully tied in a ribbon, and dropped it into the container. The potion bubbled until the lock disintegrated completely, leaving only the ribbon, floating on the top of the elixir.  
  
Andromeda was not having a good day. Gilderoy Lockhart and Severus Snape had been sneaking around her all morning, and now she was ready to go to breakfast in a room full of noisy students. Usually, she enjoyed teaching classes, and talking to students, and watching Fred and George Weasley wreak havoc, but today, she just knew something bad was going to happen. Andromeda made it to the Great Hall, and she sat down at her usual seat at the staff table. She could have sworn Severus was looking at her more than usual, and Gilderoy was nowhere to be seen. She shifted in her seat. Suddenly and completely out of nowhere, Gilderoy popped up in the middle of the room in a puff of smoke. He did a little jig, humming 'God Save the King', and, most unusual of all, he was dressed as a bumblebee. Andromeda didn't know whether she should be amused or horrified.  
  
Severus shook his head. Did he really have to work with this moron? He slowly got out of his seat, crept over to Andromeda's chair and quickly put the potion into Andromeda's drink. She was so busy being absolutely terrified, that she didn't even notice him.  
  
Gilderoy finished his jig and popped out of the room again, in another puff of blue smoke. There was a silence in the Great Hall. No one knew what to think of it. Andromeda was the first to start eating again, just dismissing the act as a cry for attention. She took a sip of her drink. Something about it was different than she was used to. "Is this pumpkin juice, Minerva?" she asked McGonagal, who was sitting next to her. "Yes." She replied, "Why?" "No reason." Andromeda replied. "It just tasted a bit different than usual." She took another sip and decided to let the matter go. Perhaps the House Elves were just experimenting with some cinnamon or something.  
  
Andromeda left the Great Hall early, just so she would be able to get to her class before anyone else did. Suddenly, she felt a stabbing pain in her stomach. She doubled over in pain, her arms clutched to her stomach. Suddenly, the hurting went away. But something else replaced it. A name had arrived in her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about it. The name was Severus Snape.  
  
  
  
  
  
Hi- so that's the chapter. next chapter is Severus's day with Andromeda. 


	9. Sourly Smitten Snape

Chapter 8  
  
Andromeda's morning went by quickly, mostly because she couldn't get her mind off of Severus. Finally, lunch came around, and Andromeda entered the Great Hall and sat in her usual seat. She had been sitting for only a few moments when she heard a smooth silky voice say, "Do you mind if I sit here?" She looked up. It was Severus. Her heart skipped a beat, and without being able to speak, she nodded, and Severus sat down.  
  
Severus was certain the potion had worked. No one had ever looked at him like that willingly. "How has your morning been, Severus?" her sweet voice said. "Full of students." He replied, "So it couldn't have possibly been that wonderful." She laughed a silvery and lovely laugh. It sounded like music to him. "It really couldn't have been that bad." She replied. "Maybe if you were nicer to them they wouldn't be so afraid of you."  
  
Gilderoy stared down the table. Andromeda and Severus were happily chatting away. The good news: the potion worked. The bad news: It worked for Severus. Damn. The scary thing was that they looked good together. Her blonde hair played off his black hair, her bright eyes, and his dark eyes. He was tall she wasn't. They fit together. No, wait. That's opposites. Gilderoy scratched his head. Or is it a palindrome? Well one thing was certain, Severus is an idiom. No, wait-  
  
Severus couldn't help but notice that Gilderoy was staring stupidly at him. It didn't matter what he was thinking, though, because he was with Andromeda, and Gilderoy wasn't. Andromeda had just agreed to meet him for dinner that evening in his dungeon. Everything was going beautifully.  
  
That night, Andromeda put on her best robes and went down to the dungeons. She knocked on the door of Severus's office.  
  
She was early. 'Figures.' Severus thought. He patted the top of his hair to make sure it was all in place and opened the door. She truly was a vision of beauty. She wore a blue robe, silk moved with her as she walked, and her hair was brought down from her tight bun. Her golden locks fell across her shoulders, and her lips were as red as blood.  
  
Andromeda was amazed at how nice the potion room looked at night. There were candles everywhere, and there was an enchanted violin in the corner playing sweet music. There was a table in the middle of the room, upon which sat a silk tablecloth and golden plates. Andromeda was at loss for words. "It's gorgeous." She stammered, looking back at Severus.  
  
"Shall we?" Severus asked, leading Andromeda to the table and pulling out her chair. She sat down, and he did the same. Immediately, food filled the golden plates and the evening began. They sat and ate. The talked. They listened to the violin music that played through the air. It was all like a dream to Severus, and it would end just as soon.  
  
Minutes turned into hours, and soon the night was almost over. Gilderoy's day with Andromeda came closer and closer, and finally, it was five minutes away from reality. "Perhaps," Severus asked, trying to hold on to the precious moments, "You would like to dance?" Andromeda smiled and nodded. They got up from the table, and Severus took her into his arms. Her body felt perfect against his as they moved across the room to the music. The music ended, and they were left just in each other's arms, no swaying to any music, but solitary and unmoving. Severus looked into her eyes. How he would miss this moment. There were no words needed, for he spoke with his heart, and she listened with hers. He lifted her chin, and pressed his lips to hers. She kissed him back, and for but a moment, he was as close to bliss as ever possible for him. There was a minute left until midnight. "You have to go." Severus said. "You have a long day ahead of you." "No I don't." Andromeda said, as Severus led her to the door. "Just more classes." "Believe me." Severus replied, "Any day with Gilderoy is a long and tiresome day." "What do you mean?" Andromeda asked, but Severus did not answer. He simply kissed her on her forehead and said, "Goodnight."  
  
Andromeda stood confused outside the dungeon door. She heard the clock strike twelve as the chiming of the clocks of the castle filled the air. She felt another pain in her stomach, this time stronger than the last. She held her stomach, she felt dizzy and she almost passed out. But suddenly, as it had before, it stopped. She stood straight up. The thought of Severus was completely out of her head. She had no idea what had come over her. How could she ever love anyone but Gilderoy Lockhart? 


	10. Luckily Ludicrous Lockhart

Chapter 9-  
  
The next morning came before anyone had anytime to do anything about it. Severus came to breakfast with a particularly grim look on his face, muttering something dark and foreboding. Gilderoy arrived in the Great Hall with his usual confused look that had never left his face since his memory was a s restored as it could get. And Andromeda made her way to the staff table, tripping over things as she refused to look away from Gilderoy. She couldn't believe it; today Gilderoy's smile was a thing of beauty, when just yesterday she thought she probably shouldn't look directly into it. She sat down next to Gilderoy with a sweet smile across her lips, not giving a thought to Severus, who was sitting down the table with a dangerous look on his face.  
  
Look at them, Severus thought, Gilderoy's probably talking about how wonderful he is. Severus tapped his fingers on the table. He wanted to reach down the table a strangle Gilderoy. It would be a great pleasure to feel Gilderoy's bones crack beneath his grip. But no. They had a deal, and clever as he was, Severus was an honest man. Or at least, most of the time.  
  
"And so that is how I defeated the Bald Banshee." Gilderoy concluded his story with a flourish. "Really?" Andromeda said. "I could have sworn that a witch named Silva Harpstring did that." "Could you pass the rolls?" Gilderoy asked, quickly changing the subject.  
  
Gilderoy and Andromeda walked the halls of Hogwarts most of the day, just talking. Most of it was Andromeda, thought. Gilderoy was so fascinated in the useless information Andromeda liked to talk about that he forgot all about what his books were about. "Did you know that ducks quacks don't echo?" Andromeda was saying. "And nobody knows why." Gilderoy looked at his watch. It was almost six o'clock, time for dinner. "It's time to go back." Gilderoy said, turning around. "Um, Gilderoy...." Andromeda began. "You're holding your watch upside down. "Oh." He said. "In that case it's almost twelve." Andromeda smiled. "Oh well." She said. "I would have rather spent the time with you anyway." It's almost twelve, Gilderoy thought. In less than a moment, she would be torn between himself and that slimy grease-ball Snape. There was nothing he could do about it either. So, in the middle of a sentence she was saying, he took her in his arms and kissed her. When they parted, Andromeda just stood there. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but the words were caught in her throat. She felt a horrible pain in her stomach, as she did the nights before, but this one was worse by far. She fell to the floor, there was a horrid ringing in her ears, and she blacked out. Gilderoy couldn't stand seeing her in so much pain, especially because it was half his fault. He picked her up and began to carry her to the hospital wing. He felt so sorry for her. She had no idea that she would have to make a decision that could make or break her entire life.  
  
There it is folks. it's short because I have an extremely hard time writing Gilderoy love stories. I need your help SOOOO much right now. Please review and tell me who she should end up with: Gilderoy, Severus or Remus. it's all up to you. 


	11. Severus Didn't Read the Fine Print

Chapter Something or Other-  
  
Andromeda woke up in the hospital wing. She has no idea how she got there, or what had happened the previous night. She tried to sit up, but her head was throbbing. She swore loudly as her head hit her pillow. "That's very lady-like." A voice came from her right. She looked over. It was Remus. "Good morning." He said cheerfully. "Oh, shut up." She said, not wanting to be told it was a good anything. "Aren't you a little ray of sunshine." Remus said, still smiling.  
  
After a very large painkiller, Andromeda was ready to go down to the Great Hall in time for lunch. She and Remus sat next to each other at the staff table, not noticing a very confused Severus Snape and Gilderoy Lockhart peering over from the other end of the table.  
  
"I don't understand it." Severus said, flipping through his potions book. "She shouldn't have any interest in other men." They had just walked down to the dungeon after lunch. Gilderoy was playing with a brain that was floating in one of the jars on Severus's desk. Severus continued reading the book. "It says here that when the victim of the potion loves another, she will have to choose between the two people who use the potion, and the original love.. He's going to be a problem." Severus shut the book. "Look what I can do!" Cried Gilderoy, balancing the brain on the tip of his nose. "Silence!" Severus said, frustrated that he had to compete with Remus.  
  
Meanwhile, Andromeda was perfectly fine with the fact that Remus was in with the whole thing. Of course she didn't know it, but she didn't need to. She and Remus were in the library playing wizards chess, talking about their childhoods and about the DADA job and how it was cursed.  
  
Due to the fact it was a Saturday, Remus and Andromeda decided to go into Hogsmeade for dinner. They sat at a tiny nook in the corner and enjoyed each others company very much. "So why did you leave the DADA job?" Andromeda was asking as they waited for their food to come. "From what I hear, you were everyone's favorite. Even over Alastor Moody." Remus became a bit nervous. "No reason." He said. "I think teaching wasn't exactly my forte." "Oh." Replied Andromeda; pretty sure that he wasn't telling the truth. Remus was fighting with himself. Should he tell her why he wasn't working at Hogwarts anymore? Surely she had heard something; she didn't look convinced at his answer. "Andromeda...." he said nervously. "I- I'm what you would call a werewolf." He waited for a response, but none came. Andromeda felt a surge of emotion come over her. It was pity, it was compassion, it was empathy. Remus didn't know what she was feeling however, he just knew she wasn't responding to what he had said. "I should go." He said, his voice wavering a bit. He got up and quickly walked through the door. Andromeda followed. "Remus!" she called after him. He stopped and turned towards her. "I shouldn't have come." He said, sadly. "I shouldn't have made you go through that." "What do you mean?" Andromeda said. "I have nothing against you! You are who you are, and it's not your fault!" Remus looked unconvinced. "I am what I am." He said. "That doesn't help. Because I am what I am, I am alone." "I can change that!" Andromeda cried. "If only you would let me!" Remus lowered his eyes. "Remus," she said, taking his hand in hers. "I love you because you're sweet, and charming and wonderful. Nothing will ever change that. Not you, not me, and not anything that might have happened in the past." Remus was speechless. She took her in his arms and embraced her. For a moment, the world was a perfect place. Everything was colorful and alive and perfect. But then Andromeda felt the feeling again. A pain stabbed its way through her stomach and she collapsed. She couldn't here Remus call her name in a panic. She couldn't see any of the people rush towards her, and suddenly, the world went black, and she saw and heard no more.  
  
  
  
  
  
Just letting everyone know, its not over. I got tons of emails on this one. IT IS NOT OVER! THERE IS MORE! 


	12. WHAT! Bring on the interobang!

Chapter 11  
  
Andromeda was brought to the hospital wing of the castle immediately, but it seemed there was nothing anyone could do; she would just have to get though it herself. Andromeda was currently in a deep sleep, and Remus, Severus and Gilderoy sat around her in silence.  
  
"What's wrong with her?" Remus asked Madam Pomfrey as she walked in to check on Andromeda. "She obviously has something in her system that doesn't agree with her." Poppy simply replied. "Do you know of anything foreign that she might have drunk or eaten?" Severus and Gilderoy avoided eye contact. "No." Remus replied after a moment of thought. Poppy left the room and left the three once again with their own thoughts. "Do you know anything about this?" Remus finally asked Severus and Gilderoy. "Maybe....." Severus said. "Possibly......" Gilderoy replied. "It's within the bound of imagination....." Severus added. Remus sat for a moment. "What did you do to her?" He asked in all seriousness. "It was his idea!" Gilderoy said, pointing to Severus. "You were in it as much as I!" Severus said, hitting Gilderoy over the head. "Answer my question!" Remus said above both of them. There was a silence. "Well," Severus said, "Weslippedherapotionthatwouldmakeherfallinlovewithusandthenchoosewhichoneshe lovedmore." He said in one breath. "WHAT?!" Gilderoy and Remus said together. Severus sighed. "Was that a 'what, I didn't hear you' what, or a 'what the hell' what?" "It was a 'what the hell' what." Remus replied, alarmed. "Mine was a 'what, I didn't hear you' what...." Gilderoy quietly whimpered. "If you love Andromeda, why would you do this to her?" Remus said, getting up from his seat. "She was obviously in a lot of pain!" Severus shrunk back. "I didn't know this would happen!" Severus replied. "Where's the book you used?" Remus asked. "In the dungeon?" Snape nodded. "I suggest one of you gets it." Severus was about to say something along the lines of 'How dare you threaten me,' but the look on Remus's face suggested that this was not the time, nor the place.  
  
Severus returned minutes later with the potion book in hand. He opened the book up to the potion he had used on Andromeda. "Here." He said, passing the book to Remus. Remus read the ingredients, the procedure and the fine print that Severus had found before. "You're right." Remus said. "There is nothing here about what Andromeda's going through." "AHA!" Gilderoy exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. "SILENCE!" Severus retorted, making Gilderoy sit down and cry into his hands. Severus rolled his eyes. "Wait," Remus said, scanning the bottom of the page. "There's a little line here... someone get me a magnifying lens." Gilderoy produced a magnifying lens from his pocket, not looking up from his weeping. Remus took it, without enough time to look remotely confused at how Gilderoy had come by the lens. Remus put the glass up to the line at the bottom of the page, and it suddenly blossomed into letters forming words. "It says something here," he began, "Side effects include severe stomach pain, coma, and in rare cases, death." The room fell silent. The trio seemed at loss for words. Had they killed the one woman each of them had ever loved? "There's more." Remus said. "If these symptoms remain consistent, we advice you to feed the victim pureed manticore heart." "A what?" Gilderoy asked, breaking the silence. He was ignored. "Do you have a manticore heart by any chance, Severus?" Remus asked. Severus gave him a sarcastic look, and said, "I am the potions master, aren't I?"  
  
  
  
Hi- thanks for everyone's advice on how to end the story. Keep voting! Anyway, in the next chapter, Remus, Gilderoy and Severus try to save Andromeda before it's too late. 


	13. Gilderoy Ate Something He Probabaly Shou...

Chapter 12  
  
Gilderoy, Severus and Remus quickly made their way to the potions dungeon and set to work on preparing a manticore heart. Gilderoy was trying his best to puree it, humming his favorite song, "Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?...."  
  
"Hey!" Gilderoy suddenly said, and Remus and Severus unplugged their ears. "You know what would be really great?"  
  
"What?" Severus and Remus asked in unison. "If there was some kind of machine that could do this for me!" Gilderoy continued. "You know, something that would blend things for you, instead of you blending them."  
  
"Like a blender?" Severus asked, massaging his temples. "No...." Gilderoy said. "I think maybe it should be called 'a blendy dealy.'" Severus sighed. "Are you almost done with that?"  
  
Gilderoy didn't respond. "Gilderoy?" Remus said, looking up. The manticore heart was gone, and Gilderoy had something in his mouth. "Gilderoy...." Remus said, getting out of his seat.  
  
"Um..." Gilderoy began. "What if the manticore heart flew up into my mouth and I accidentally chewed it?"  
  
"How much of your brain did they remove when they replaced your memory?" Severus asked. Gilderoy didn't really understand what that meant, so he smiled and nodded. "Now what are we going to do?" Remus asked, slumping back into his chair. "That was the only heart."  
  
"Well, we could get the heart manually." Said Severus. "From the manticore. But neither of us our stupid enough to go near a live manticore." "True." Remus replied.  
  
Then, a thought occurred to both of them. Neither of them was stupid enough, but they had another man in their party. They both looked at Gilderoy, who was spinning around, chewing on the manticore heart, and singing 'Do you know the muffin man'.  
  
  
  
  
  
Hi. I know this chapter's short, but that's as far as I can go before I can figure out what the hell a manticore is. Anyway, keep voting, but keep the chapters that come in mind. You might change your decision. 


	14. The Manticore

Chapter 13-  
  
Hi everyone- I'd just like to thank all the people, who explained to me what a manticore was, I really appreciated it. And to everyone who pointed out that the fic's chapters were screwed up. Enjoy the chapter!  
  
Remus and Severus spent the afternoon suiting up Gilderoy in pillows and other armor they found lying around. He had a pillow on his stomach and a strainer on his head. He was wearing two frying pans as shoes, and another was strapped on his chest.  
  
"That should do it." Remus said, standing back to get the full effect. "Why do we have to dress him up, though? Couldn't we just enchant him?"  
  
"It's because it makes me happy." Severus said, adding the last bit of duct-tape to Gilderoy's frying pan. "I can't breath." Gilderoy gagged from under the strainer. "I know." Severus said, as gleefully as possible.  
  
"Alright, Gilderoy." Remus said. "What do you do when you see the manticore?"  
  
"Kill it." Gilderoy said.  
  
"Good boy." Remus replied. He threw him a doggie-treat. "And then what?"  
  
"I don't eat it." Said Gilderoy, chewing the treat. "Good." Remus replied, giving him another treat.  
  
  
  
The forbidden forest was dark that night, darker than ever before. Gilderoy was making awful clanking noise as he walked along, the various frying pans rubbing against each other. "Can't you be a bit quieter, Gilderoy?" Severus asked. "We are, after all, trying to find a manticore."  
  
"I know." Gilderoy replied. "I can't help it. YOU did this to me." "Touché." Severus replied. Suddenly they heard a twig snap. They all spun around to look in the direction they heard the noise. They saw a large hulking figure. The head of a man with long, matted, black hair. The body of a huge, golden lion. The tail of a scorpion, complete with a poisonous claw.  
  
"That is not a happy looking guy." Gilderoy said, stepping back. Remus took him by the collar so he couldn't get away. "Of course not." Severus replied. "Look at how ugly he is."  
  
The manticore stepped forward. An ugly, gargling noise came from its throat. Gilderoy was right for once. He was not happy. Remus, Severus and Gilderoy were close to running away from the strange and disturbing creature, but the image of Andromeda was their only courage. They had to do this for her, even if their lives were sitting on the edge of a knife. Because hers was.  
  
The trio took out their wands and held them out I front of them defensively. "Alohamora!" Gilderoy yelled. Nothing happened. "That's the unlocking spell, you dolt!" Severus bellowed as the beast came forward, swishing it's tail in anger. "It's the only one I know!" Gilderoy wept.  
  
Remus thought of a spell that could possibly delay the beast. "Um....." he thought. "STUPEFACIO!" he yelled. A lightning bolt flashed out of his wand and hit the manticore. It fell to the ground.  
  
"What did you do?" Gilderoy asked. "He paralyzed him." Severus replied. "It's still alive." Remus nodded. Severus took it from there. "Diffindo!" Severus yelled. The manticore burst open through the stomach, and Gilderoy fainted.  
  
"Well, that gets rid of him." Severus said, rolling up his sleeves. He walked over to the manticore, went elbow deep into its guts and pulled out the heart. "That's disgusting." Gilderoy squeaked. Severus put the heart into his pockets. He uttered another spell; the manticore sewed itself up again.  
  
"We'd better get out of here." Severus said. "Before THAT wakes up."  
  
"I agree." Remus said. "That was one angry manticore.  
  
"Actually," Severus said, "I was referring to Gilderoy."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
There it is. I'm not very good with action. Thanks to the harry potter lexicon for the spells and how to use them. Next chapter: Andromeda wakes up, and, naturally, has to choose. She thinks about who she wants to be with, while the guys contemplate what they would do without her. 


	15. What I Like About You

Chapter 14-  
  
Andromeda lay silent in her bed. She couldn't move, she couldn't speak, but she could see. She had an awful taste in her mouth, something that seemed a lot like a manticore heart, but couldn't think of how the hell it could have gotten into her mouth.  
  
She had just seen Gilderoy, Remus and Severus leave the hospital wing, and she tried to speak to them, but couldn't. She couldn't understand what was going on inside her. One day, she needs Severus more than anyone. The next, Gilderoy is all she could think about, and the day after, Remus.  
  
Either she was seriously considering prostitution, or someone had been tampering with her feelings. Although her mind was back with her, her heart was not. She was separated between three men, and didn't know how to deal with it.  
  
Which man would she have a better life with? Severus is wonderful to talk to, she thought. But he scares children. He would need to straighten that up.  
  
Gilderoy was sweet and meant well. But he's dumb as a post. Remus was kind and gentle, but he seemed insecure and sad.  
  
She knew she could lead a lovely life with any of the men, but she had to choose. She decided it was late, and she could sleep on it.  
  
  
  
At the same moment, Severus was brooding in the dungeon, unable to sleep. Andromeda would wake up in the morning, and it was very possible that she would walk away from him forever. He sat at his desk. What could he do without her? Ever since he met her, there was a reason to live, and he was so frightened that the reason would leave him. He had never felt so wonderful when he was around her; it was like stepping away from a dementor and into the sun for the first time.  
  
Without her, there was no sun. Ok, she was a but clumsy, and she seemed to be a bit disorientated, but he loved her. And for the first time in Severus's life, he understood. When you love someone, nothing else mattered.  
  
Gilderoy was in his office, trying to figure out how to work that stupid gameboy of his. He reached for his hammer in the desk drawer. He opened the drawer, but the hammer was gone. All that was there was the book, Year with the Yeti. He remembered when Andromeda and he had walked the castle grounds and she pointed out that he had not done what he had said he did in his books. She was so smart. He would understand if she didn't pick him. He was dumb, he knew it. No one as talented as Andromeda could ever love him. But he couldn't help hoping that she could.  
  
Gilderoy knew he was stupid, and pompous. But maybe Andromeda could love him for his naïveté, and how he really does try. Gilderoy smiled at the thought of Andromeda. At least she would be happy, whomever she chose.  
  
Remus browsed the grounds of the school, bathed in the light of the half-moon. He couldn't sleep, not when Andromeda was in the hospital wing in pain. He was certain Severus and Gilderoy felt the same way. He, too, thought of her and her decision.  
  
Remus was afraid that Andromeda might not want the responsibility of loving him. Remus came with certain obligations. He wouldn't wasn't her anywhere near him during he full moon, even when he was on the wolfsbane potion. But still, Remus didn't know if he would ever have this opportunity with Andromeda, or anyone for that matter, ever again.  
  
Andromeda tried to move her fingers. It worked two seconds ago, she thought in frustration. Oh well. She lay back in her bed. She had to make the decision tomorrow. It couldn't wait any longer. She closed her eyes, and fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hello, everyone. Just making a note, for those of you who INSIST I explain this moot situation, (i.e. YOU) I've decided the manticore had more than one heart, that's why they're easier to find. It's magic. I'm so creative, aren't I? Anyway, there are only a few chapters left, because I really want to shock you, but I don't know how! Actually, I have an idea, but I will never tell! Anyway, hope you enjoyed it. 


	16. I Choose You

Chapter 15-  
  
The door to the hospital wing flew open, and Andromeda sat up in her bed. Gilderoy, Remus and Severus entered. "Good morning." She greeted. "Morning." They replied in unison, each trying to step in front of the other. "How are you feeling?" Gilderoy asked, concerned. "My head hurts a bit," Andromeda said, "But not enough to delay my decision."  
  
The room went silent. None of the men wanted to ask who it was. They all had their doubts, they all knew that it couldn't be all of them. Andromeda bit her lip. "I would like to explain." Andromeda said, "Before I tell you who I have chosen."  
  
She got up from her bed, and walked up to Gilderoy. "Gilderoy." She smiled. "You have never said an ill word to me. You've always been kind, and always a friend when I needed one." For the first time, Gilderoy did not act as if he knew he was wonderful. He actually looked a bit... Modest.  
  
"However," Andromeda continued, "You have a tendency to take credit when it is not yours, even though you have the capability to do wondrous things yourself."  
  
Gilderoy looked a but sheepish, and looked at his feet. "Despite that" Andromeda said, "You are still good company." She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, and moved on to Severus, leaving Gilderoy blushing, and touching the place where her lips met his face.  
  
"Severus." She said, still smiling. "You are intelligent and wise and a wonderful conversationalist. But.... sometimes you can be a bit frightening." A shadow of a smile played across Severus's lips. "I know I would have a great deal of fun arguing with you though." She put a soft hand on the side of his face, and ran her fingers through his hair. "Your love does mean a lot to me." She concluded.  
  
"Remus....." she said, walking to him. "I was always attracted to you. You're smart, you're brave, and you are a wonderful person." She smiled. "But you have doubts about yourself that I feel you might need to get through before you start a relationship." Remus nodded. "You have an enormous flaw." She added, Remus knew what she meant. "But it doesn't have to be." She said, her eyes twinkling.  
  
"I guess that's all I have to explain." She said, sitting back down on her bed. "I can only hope that one day you will all realize how hard this is for me to do. And one day your may realize how much you all mean to me."  
  
She took a deep breath. "I choose..." Remus, Gilderoy and Severus were shivering with anticipation, longing to here their names pass through Andromeda's lips. "I choose...." she stuttered. "I.. I- I'm going to be sick."  
  
Andromeda felt another stabbing pain in her stomach, worse than ever before, and before anyone could do anything, she fainted on her bed, and fell to the floor.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I know I'm evil... anyway, next chapter you WILL find out how the story ends, and a few other things about Andromeda. (some of these things were mentioned, but never really gone into) Ta ta for now. -jerri f. 


	17. An Ending

Chapter 16-  
  
Remus, Gilderoy and Severus practically collapsed as Andromeda did when they realized she was out. They were, for one brief moment, speechless.  
  
"Is she dead?" Gilderoy asked. "No, You dolt!" Severus replied. "She's fainted again! Those stupid side effects."  
  
"We won't have to get another manticore heart, will we?" Gilderoy asked, ready to make a mad dash from the room. "No." Remus replied, trying to hide back the disappointment of not being able to see Gilderoy dressed in kitchenware again.  
  
"Uhg..." Andromeda muttered, her hand moving to her face to massage her temples. She opened her eyes, and seeing Gilderoy, Remus and Severus standing over her, she screamed. "GAAAAAAAAAH!" She jumped up from her bed and ran to the end of the room. "DON'T DO THAT!" She exclaimed, putting a hand over her heart.  
  
"Sorry." They all said, sheepishly. "Don't say your sorry, just do it!" Andromeda replied. "SORRY!" They repeated. Andromeda sighed.  
  
"What are you all doing here?" she asked. Remus thought before speaking. "We're here to find out who you decided on."  
  
"What?" Andromeda asked, purely confused.  
  
"Oh god." Severus whispered. "The potion wore off." "WHAT?!" Gilderoy said. "You mean she has no idea what's going on?"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Andromeda asked, as Gilderoy began strangling Severus. "Cease!" Severus bellowed, and magicked Gilderoy across the room.  
  
"Severus," Remus said, "If the potion did wear off.... She won't remember any of this."  
  
"Right." Severus sighed. "YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE FINE PRINT!" Gilderoy exclaimed, throwing himself at Severus, but landing on the bed.  
  
"Nice aim, Tex." Severus quipped.  
  
"Can someone PLEASE tell me what is going on here?" Andromeda said.  
  
"You had a nasty bump on the head." Remus lied. "A rogue Bludger from a quidditch game. We came to see if you were all right."  
  
"I'm fine." Andromeda said, her voice wavering strangely. "You can all go now."  
  
Remus, Severus and Gilderoy strayed for a bit, taking in a last look at Andromeda. They're minds were twisting around the thought: Whom would she have chosen if the potion had not worn off. In fact, they were so preoccupied with that as they were leaving the room, that they did not see the tear that slowly fell down Andromeda's cheek.  
  
She watched them leave, and she fell on to the bed. Her eyes filled with tears, her throat painful and hoarse, she hugged her pillow, wishing it were one of the men who just left her here. She knew she did what she had to. She just couldn't break their hearts. She couldn't hurt them. He wouldn't understand, he wasn't the smartest man in the world. And the other might seek revenge. It was better this way.  
  
  
  
Severus Snape sat down at his desk. He was beginning to dread the rest of the year. How could he possibly endure being near her the rest of the year? Gilderoy was too stupid to understand, and Remus had much more of a life than he did.  
  
He got up from his desk, remembering the staff meeting up in Dumbledore's office concerning some new trouble dealing with the Potter boy. He left his office in the darkness, wondering if for the rest of the year, or however long Andromeda was near him, would he forever be this sourly smitten Snape?  
  
  
  
  
  
I'm sorry I was evil to you... hee hee... no I'm not... There it is, folks. Hope you enjoyed the twisted ride. (If you didn't understand who she chose, e-mail me.) In the sequel, she actually ends up with the person she chose.  
  
By the by, there is a sequel to this story to those who like Andromeda Stone. It's called 'The Severus Snape Society' and it's just a crazy fic about when Snape finds out he has a fan club. (And Andromeda ends up with the 'chosen one.'" Thanks for reading! ~Jerri 


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